The Zen of Tim Sutherland

Photo by Mimi Wheeler

By Linda Alice Dewey
Sun contributor

“I’m up in Glen Arbor; it doesn’t get any better than that,” says the rich, energetic baritone voice of Tim Sutherland. “Be happy. Be kind. Be safe. Leave a message after the beep.” Anyone who has spent significant time in Glen Arbor recognizes this as quintessential “Sudsy”.

His family represents a local dynasty: mother Mary is an author and early feminist; brother Bob owns Cherry Republic, brother Paul owns Financial Investment Management (FIM) Group in Traverse City; brother Matt and his wife Victoria publish the Foreword Reviews literary magazine; brother Mike owns the River Outfitters in Traverse City.

A generation of young tennis players knows him as a beloved coach. During the summer, Sutherland teaches five days a week at the Glen Lake Yacht Club and holds night clinics twice a week with 15-20 high school kids in Traverse City. During the school year, he coaches 40-50 kids at TC Christian and Glen Lake. Connoisseurs of La Becasse recognize him as the friendly bartender who works four nights a week at the gourmet French restaurant in Burdickville. He has worked there, on and off, since the ’80s, through the tenures of three different owners.

Most important of all, the man is always up. We wanted to know how he does it.

Sure, he’s known hard times. “Everybody has, Linda,” he says; and with that, he wipes the slate clean of past inharmony.

So, how did he come to have such an attitude? “I think there’s a point in your life, when you look around at the world, your own circle of friends and family, and you say, ‘There’s a chance — on a small personal level — we can start making a difference with kindness and love and how [we] feel about others. If we can start giving out that aura of positivity, it spreads and grows.” This, in a nutshell, is the mainstay of Sutherland’s philosophy.

“We can’t wait for someone else to do it,” he warns. “We’re going to have to start with ourselves, feeling that we can make a difference.”

Doing this, he observes, has a boomerang effect. “The more love, kindness, and joy we spread,” he says, “it makes us feel better. It glows within us, it makes us feel more energized and stronger and [has] this incredible effect on us.” This, then, explains Sutherland’s energetic air.

The caveat, he warns, is that we can’t “pick and choose based on how our day is going. Just like honesty,” he points out, “it’s always the right time to do that. Try for that 100 percent commitment to be a good person all the time, not just when you’re having a good day.”

Sutherland believes this type of practice is transformative. “When that starts happening, all of a sudden, you’re making good choices. People around you feel better. Better things start happening.” He describes how it works for himself. “Every day in my life, I feel better about myself, and better things start happening, rather than having negative feelings about myself and others.”

He also feels that, rather than comparing ourselves to people who we may believe have it better than we do, it’s better to look at those who don’t have it as good. “We have to look at what we take for granted.”

He says there was a point in his life where he looked at everything, including his outlook, and “it all kind of came together in a balance. I understood that there was a balance between career and family and friends and relationships,” and that he needed to find ways to put himself in a position where he could spread joy.

He found it. “My love for teaching puts me out in a situation where I have a lot of impact on others,” he reflects, then brings it to this current day. “I just finished teaching 60 kids tennis on a really, really hot day. My whole thing has been, ‘We’re going to spread as much kindness as we can.’ Even today, we’re all spreading joy, having fun, being kind to each other.”

As far as he is concerned, being with kids is the secret, because they are the future.

Sutherland feels teaching this attitude makes a difference not only with kids. “It carries over to our relationships with adults; it carries over to out there in the world. No matter what age, we try to brighten somebody’s day and bring helpfulness or joy or self-esteem. It sure makes the day better for everyone.”

So what about the days when he might not feel up to spreading joy? What does he do then? “The true test is when we’re having a bad day,” he answers. We have to get to the point where we don’t allow ourselves to be negative, because negativity can spread, too. It does get easier,” he reassures us.

So was Sutherland always like this? Is joy just innate with him, so it’s easier for him to be like this than others? “I think I was always like that, but it was easy not to let it come out.” He believes that everybody starts out joyful, “like kids, right? But there’s a spiral in your life, and if it starts going down, it’s hard to get it to go back up again. Everybody has it in them, but we have to nurture and enforce it with every person we come in contact with.

What about difficult people? “It’s our challenge as a person to try to go find that goodness in others.” He says that, if everyone is looking for that in everyone else, we’ll find it in ourselves as well. Then we’ll find it easier to give, and around and around it goes.

When he encounters a person who he senses will not return kindness, “it’s even more important to be kind to that person — on the street, in the grocery store, somebody you can help carry groceries for or if you even just get a chance to smile at them.” Sutherland, who likes the challenge — he is a competitor, after all — is always looking for just that kind of person. “I want to find somebody who’s not receptive and get it to them, then try to get them to the point where they’re able to spread it. If you can do that, you’ve made a huge difference in Glen Arbor, in the grocery store, or on the street. It’s amazing what kind of difference that makes.”

He presses the point that we can’t wait for others to do it for us. “If someone doesn’t take the bull by the horns and be kind, they’re letting that opportunity go by.” On the other hand, if someone else can receive it and give it back, he says, “there’s an explosion of kindness.” Even other people around the two will feel it.

So how does that translate to this day and age when people are so angry when it comes to political issues? “Politics is a whole different ball game,” he admits. When he sees some of the negativity going around, “it really gets me even more out of my comfort zone.”

Although Sutherland appreciates that, he advises that we not try to change another’s political opinions. “When we get to politics, we stop being open-minded, stop caring about what people think. There’s some kind of blockage where people who would normally care about others, stop listening and caring about others.” Some politicians have “tapped into that unhappiness or negativity towards the world that people have inside of themselves.” He observes that there are homes where “politics can’t even enter into the same household,” he says. “It’s better left unsaid.” Otherwise, he explains, you’re immediately thrown into adversarial positions.

Instead, “If I love my brothers, and I love my family, to me that overcomes anything they could do to me, short of harming me physically. I’ve still got to find the kindness and warmth in my heart for them.”

Surprisingly — or maybe not — Sutherland is not a fan of social media. He notes that it’s easier to be unkind to someone on the computer than in person. “I think this whole social media thing that’s going on is part of the problem. It appeals to the negativity and allows that anger and hostility to come out, rather than if you were dealing on a human basis. It’s got to be one-on-one, face to face.”

For Sutherland, it all comes down to the commitment to be kind. “You’ve either got a 100 percent commitment to that or you don’t,” he declares. “Either you’re good and kind to everyone, or you’re not good and kind 100 percent. It’s not easy to get there, but that’s got to be your goal.”

So how does this play out when he’s on the court, say, or in a tournament? Sutherland pulls out his journal and shares what he wrote last night. “Giving your best effort is trying your hardest to be the best you can be every minute. Not just sometimes — all the time. Losing is about working harder next time to try to win. While you’re doing that, you’re still trying to be the same kind, positive, energized person as when you’re not playing in a competitive situation. You’re still the best person you can possibly be.”

“It has nothing to do with winning or losing, or a stressful or adversarial situation. You still have to hold the highest values you can, whether on or off the court, whether being with someone you love to death or don’t even know. We just have to go with it and try to maintain that level of character, integrity, positivity, kindness and love.

“You’ve seen people, like in Pickleball. They get mad. Boy, we’re out here playing a game and having fun. How did this person get angry about something that’s really kind of simple and meaningless? Aren’t we out here to have fun?” He says this is the reason sports are so important. “Those situations reveal integrity, kindness and goodness better than everyday life. That’s the value of sports in competitive situations: it gives us a chance to handle those things.”

The stuff just flows from the man. In fact, his journaling is an effort to capture his thoughts. “At some point, when I can get it out and look at it,” he says, speaking of his journal, “I’d like to write some kind of a life column, on a day to day basis.”

How does this practice pan out at La Becasse where he tends bar?

“That’s an amazing place to spread it,” he says. “This is a really busy time of year for the service industry. There’s a lot of opportunities for stuff to go wrong. I get an opportunity to be supportive and maybe brighten their day.

“The people I work with asked, ‘Tim, how do you do it? You bring energy and positivity all the time.’

“I said, ‘You guys, we’re always working together to help ourselves out.’

“I’ve got to think of others all the time,” he states. For instance, rather than just working his own section in the restaurant, if he sees other people need water, he helps them. If others do the same, he says, then “everybody’s going to have time to help each other, and all of a sudden it’s a perfect world, because they’re all working together.”

Sutherland sees adversity, such as working on warm, muggy nights, as opportunity. “Any situation, we can’t pick and choose when we are going to be at our best.” Another adverse condition is exhaustion from working 50-60 hours a week. “This is the time of year I really get to prove these things I believe in,” he says. After Labor Day, things slow down somewhat, then ramp back up in the spring. In between, he spends the winter in Florida to “rejuvenate and refresh a little bit” where, by the way, he won a national Pickleball championship a year and a half ago.

“I’m doing what I want to do,” he affirms. “Staying strong. That’s how I get through this busy time. I’ve got the energy.” How does he maintain that energy? “You feel it so much more when you feel it coming back to [you],” he explains. From his years of working at restaurants and teaching, he says, “I know a lot of people. That just gives me that many chances to make people feel good and have a connection.

“That’s my theory, and I’m sticking to it,” he finishes. “At least for right now.”