Traverse City Comedy Festival: Jeff Garlin, opening night
Jeff Garlin’s idols
February 20, 2010 – 12:41 am
Second funniest person Jeff Garlin knows is Conan O’Brien, his former roommate.
The funniest is Amy Sedaris
Whose the biggest (jerk **) in Hollywood? Warren Sapp, the NFL player recently arrested.
A woman in the crowd asks if Jeff Garlin also holds hatred for the singer Jewel (who went to school in nearby Interlochen). His answer: not so much, though she plays a repertoire of “lame songs”
Kid Rock soils Wrigley Field
February 20, 2010 – 12:22 am
Lifelong Cubs can Jeff Garlin often sings “Take me out to the ballgame” during the seventh inning stretch at Wrigley Field.
He’s on stage now recalling when Kid Rock — the pride of the mitten state — joined him at the ballpark and accidentally cursed, into a live mic, at the Cubs third baseman after he made a critical error.
“Let’s get some runs!” the guest announcer typically screams to Cubs fans after singing the song. “Let’s get some lunch,” Kid Rock yelled that day, at Garlin’s behest.
Garlin on race
February 20, 2010 – 12:16 am
We here in Northern Michigan don’t close schools on Martin Luther King Jr. Day …. nor do we call our main street in Traverse City MLK Boulevard …. “We’re racists,” jabs Jeff Garlin, before he returns to his easy comedic target … making fun of the Chicago Cubs.
Banana politics
February 20, 2010 – 12:03 am
Jeff Garlin is talking into the banana as if it were a cell phone. He says the joke worked at Michael Moore’s house over breakfast, and he claims it’s worked before in restaurants, but that it’s never made people laugh while on stage. Tonight the crowd is laughing though. In fact, a woman in the front row of the State Theatre is trying to call him … on his banana phone.
“Hello,” Garlin answers. “Who is this?”
“Orange,” she says …
Obesity acceptance
February 19, 2010 – 11:53 pm
It’s OK to be fat, Jeff Garlin jokes. He’s holding up an advertisement his wife found in a magazine for beach chairs that hold 500-lb dudes … and other products for the morbidly obese (stadium seat cushions, toenail clippers, anyone?)
(For good reason, I didn’t blog about his last muse 5 minutes ago — an overweight man’s visit to the special massage parlor).
But here’s an online pic of Jeff next to another Chicago icon, Cubs manager Lou Piniella
Waste-level monologues and opposite-sex marriage bans
February 19, 2010 – 11:41 pm
Jeff Garlin just let the microphone slide to crotch level …. was it intentional? was it an accident? was it a crowd pleaser? Has this been done before?
It was a sudden mishap …. now he’s moved on to lobby for banning opposite-sex marriage … you know, just for laughs.
Garlin night
February 19, 2010 – 11:33 pm
The main act has arrived. Jeff Garlin is serenading the Traverse City faithful …. he may be dreaming about erections, he says, but he’s standing upright at the State Theatre …. now!
I’m not allowed to reprint the language here on this blog that’s coming out of his mouth, but let’s just say that it involves, the Great Wolf Lodge, the Blue Goat, fornicating, and fudge. Mmmmm.
Ouch, grandpa!
February 19, 2010 – 11:30 pm
Mike Toomey didn’t need five minutes before he insulted my grandfather. Cause my grandpa actually goes to those Country Barn restaurants that Toomey just described, and orders things he can’t taste, and tries to remember foods he could taste 60 years ago. Square shape, must be a brownie! Ouch, grandpa.
Toomey rewrites Christmas favorites
February 19, 2010 – 11:21 pm
Mike Toomey takes the stage to open for Jeff Garlin at the State Theatre in front of a full-house crowd on opening night. In front of a velvet curtain, he massages the public’s funny bones with his re-written Christmas songs that emphasize how the Midwestern winters make his private parts freeze.