Childless locals care for Leelanau’s future

By Abby Chatfield

Sun contributor

There are many reasons women choose not to have children, and there are situations where it is not even a matter of choice but a physical impossibility. Republican vice presidential candidate JD Vance asked in a 2021 interview with Fox News’ Tucker Carlson, “How does it make any sense that we’ve turned our country over to people who don’t really have a direct stake in it?”

A group Vance targeted with this question is one he defines as “a bunch of childless cat ladies who are miserable at their own lives and the choices that they’ve made and so they want to make the rest of the country miserable, too.” Not long after, while speaking at a recent Trump rally, Sarah Huckabee Sanders, Arkansas Governor and former White House Press Secretary for Donald Trump, claimed that her children are “a permanent reminder of what’s important,” following with a comment about Vice President Kamala Harris’ lack of anything to keep her humble. What Vance and Sanders are alluding to is their belief that women without biological children are inherently selfish and see no direct stake in the future of our nation.

At a time when politicians are taking to the national stage to chastise women without biological children, I spoke to 10 Leelanau women without kids of their own who collectively believe that we all have a stake in the future, regardless of whether or not we bear children. These locals show their dedication to Leelanau County’s future by investing in its youth, improving services for senior citizens, and fighting for the environment.

 

Anne-Marie Oomen

Published author and local literary star, Oomen has taught for more than 40 years in various capacities, the majority of time with teens and at the university level. She was both an instructor and the Chair of the Interlochen Arts Academy Creative Writing Department.

 

Stephanie Mills

An environmental writer with seven published books and many articles, she considers her most consequential work to be transmitting memories and histories through her writing that may be meaningful in finding a human way forward. She volunteers with local nature education groups, such as Human Nature School and helped organize the Great Lakes Bioregional Congress – to envision and develop a realistic, restorative way of life.

 

Sara Hartley

Although her professional experience includes teaching, advising, and leading creative workshops for Michigan youth, Hartley feels most compelled to channel her energy into Leelanau’s senior population. She shared, “I have always believed that the community’s future depends on support for people of all ages and that if we extended our emphasis on playfulness and our nimble curiosity about each other throughout our entire lives, we would have a whole community that was healthier from birth through end of life.”

 

Jennifer Biggs

As lead nurse for Comfort Keepers, she spends her time on quality assurance and providing customized patient care for Leelanau’s senior citizens. Biggs considers herself an “aunt to all” and believes her medical training is helpful for guiding youth to make healthy choices.

 

Jennifer Reid

A retired high school social studies teacher, she spent 27 years opening teenage minds in the subjects of world history, current issues and government. She attended three presidential inaugurations with her students. Since moving to Leelanau County, Jen has volunteered with Share Care, providing food and transportation to seniors.

 

Stephanie Watkins

Her work with youth began as a swim instructor, high school art teacher and tutor, but she found her true passion in teaching sailing to youth. She dedicated many years to youth sailing camps as a program director. Watkins later partnered with Maritime Heritage Alliance and other local youth programs to provide hands-on tall ship sailing experiences, and she launched She Sails, Leelanau area’s first women’s sailing program.

 

Dena AuCoin

She helped build the special education program at Leelanau Montessori Public School Academy and still consults with them to support the program, helping to nurture both educators and families. She played a part in building the Leelanau Early Childhood Development Commission, a crucial resource for families navigating early childhood services. She and her husband are applying for grants to bring farm-to-school programs to local schools to teach kids about nutrition, agriculture, and environmental stewardship through hands-on experience with sustainable farming methods.

 

Jeanie Williams

Her career in education began 25 years ago, most of this time spent working with youth outdoors. Williams said, “My work with all people is mostly about humans feeling and knowing their connection to the place they are in and the natural world. It’s based on a belief that, when we know and love something, we will want to participate in a relationship with it for its and our own well-being. I’m focused on both an individual’s well-being, knowing that having a sense of place and groundedness with the Earth is very supportive in that, but also interested in the well-being of the whole, the community, the group.”

 

Kristy VerSnyder

She worked for TCAPS as a special education and one-on-one assistant for several years. Now owner of a Leelanau-based catering company, VerSnyder uses her catering skills to give back to the community, connecting with causes she cares about through food, such as supporting the Leelanau Grown event, a vital fundraiser for the Leelanau Children’s Center. When she and her husband got married, in lieu of gifts for themselves, they asked for school supplies to support local children in need.

 

Karen Kirt

A Leland Public School educator and athletic coach, Kirt is dedicated to promoting healthy, life-long habits for youth through sports such as running and Nordic skiing. She was a volunteer coach for Girls on the Run, Girls on Track, and the Leland Running Club. Now she coaches Leland’s cross country and track & field teams while offering youth opportunities to participate in the Nordic ski programs she created.

 

Concerns for the Earth, lifestyle choices, or an inability to conceive children are just a few valid reasons that many adults end up childless. “Everyone without children, regardless of their gender, has a combination of reasons and feelings around it,” said Hartley.

Oomen feels the things she has gained from choosing to be childless continue to shape, influence and make her feel whole. At a young age, she spent a year in a convent but ultimately decided she was not nun material, although the concept of “supporting the larger family of human beings” stuck with her. “When it became clear that I would live in an era where women had choices about pregnancy and motherhood, I chose first to avoid it, and gradually became committed to that idea.”

Oomen recalls a thought-provoking Mills College commencement speech made in 1969 by Stephanie Mills, whom she did not know at the time. The speech spread to campuses nationwide, creating debate and raising conversation about overpopulation. Mills posed the idea of remaining childless as a means to both human and planetary survival.

Mills argues that the push for increased birth rates is shortsighted if we are truly interested in the survival of the human race and countless other species. She said, “Presently, we overshoot Earth’s carrying capacity about halfway through the year. The aggregate human economy then starts stealing from future generations, dipping into principal. As one sage of my generation put it, we’ll need to learn to share smaller pies.”

Oomen remarked, “It’s through community activism that land and water are both preserved and prevented from becoming mere commodities. The quality of water, soil, and air are basic and critical—and community just might become a means of good stewardship.”

At 76, having children is a bygone possibility for Mills, but she retains the same sentiment she did in 1969. “I still feel, as I did when I was 20, in light of human overpopulation and the ecological degradation caused by our species’ ideologically and technologically abetted exponential growth that having children is a very grave decision with more than personal impact. We are leaving today’s children the enormous challenge of reclaiming a livable world for all beings.”

As Oomen put it, “When a person chooses to be childless by choice, a person gives up some things, but that person gains some important things too.” For Hartley, it just never happened. She shared that, “At the end of the day I just knew I wasn’t a mom. But this realization did not come without the existential struggle with what human history and society’s constructs told me was my purpose as a woman. As someone who will not experience one of the most miraculous things that my body is capable of and who will not know the particular widening of my heart for the selfless love of parenthood, I do know what it is to see ahead to the end of anything that is “me” in this world and I will say it is profoundly humbling.”

Despite being conscious of the traditional expectations of American society, Biggs was never certain that she wanted children and thoughtfully decided not to. She relishes the time she gets to spend as Aunt Jenny with her friends’ kids and her nephew. “I love being able to be there for the other children in my life in ways that I couldn’t be if I had my own.”

VerSnyder decided not to have children because she was diagnosed with Type 1 Diabetes at a young age, and her endocrinologist advised the risks would far outweigh the gains. “It didn’t really cause me any emotion, at the age of 17, but now at the age of 43 it most certainly makes my heart sad.”

Kirt and her husband were physically unable to get pregnant. “There is not a day that goes by that I did not wish I had my own children. The joy of sharing your life with a child is something that I can’t have, but I can be a good person, teacher, and coach. I strive to give our youth something I did not always have as a young person,” Kirt said.

Kirt’s family is deeply rooted in Leelanau County, with local roads and landmarks named after both sides. “I am helping others in the community like my descendants did. It is what we do in my family. We help in the community. If one is a role model showing kindness, love, and care, others will feel fulfillment.”

VerSnyder considers the Leelanau community her foundation. Before she could afford health insurance to cover her diabetic needs, community members stepped forth to provide her an insulin pump. The community supported the growth of her business and enveloped the VerSnyder family in love after losing a family member in a tragic accident. “This community kept our hearts alive and well. They cared for us during some of our darkest hours, and if that’s not love, well I don’t know what is.”

Reid finds the notion absurd that she is less committed and giving to her community’s future just because she did not have kids. She said, “When my mother was in the hospital in critical condition, the first doctor I met was a former student. Wasn’t he a ‘direct stake’ in my future even though he wasn’t my son?”

Once children are in school, educators like Reid and others in this article spend more time with them than parents do, maintaining significant influence over the shaping of our younger generations’ world perspective. Williams’ approach to her work focuses on the present, which is directly connected to the future. “I think about my work as the impact on who is in front of me right now at this moment. I follow what feels good, and most of the time it feels really good to listen closely to what a small person is noticing or to what a young adult is thinking about; it’s truly one of the most refreshing experiences I can have.”

AuCoin shared, “I truly believe that by strengthening our educational systems and building strong connections among families, we’re fostering an environment where all children can thrive. In this way, I’m working to contribute to a bright future for everyone and proving that there are plenty of ways to leave a positive mark on the world, with or without kids of my own.”

Watkins’ comment sums up this sentiment. “Even though I may not witness the long-term effects of these lessons, I believe that by helping young people develop a sense of self-reliance, empathy, and creative thinking, I’m contributing to a ripple effect. These values can inspire the next generation to approach challenges with confidence, to appreciate beauty and diversity, and to build communities that are grounded in mutual respect and collaboration.”

Biggs emphasized, “With the hate and fear pulsating through our political climate, we have the opportunity to teach and model love, inclusiveness, and kindness. This is my most important goal. To set an example for the kids of listening, acceptance, kindness, and empathy.”

Just today, more than 20 years after he graduated from high school, Reid’s former student wrote to her: ‘I always appreciated the effort you put into trying to teach both sides of issues. After I made some sophomoric comment about bombing Iran, you once pulled me aside and challenged me to be better and take a more intellectual and open-minded approach to things. I think the leaders of both parties could use that same talk based on the current climate. I can’t thank you enough for the passion you instilled in me to learn about history and the passion you displayed teaching it.’ Reid said, “That’s enough ‘direct stake’ for me.”