Love and Loneliness Through a Window
By Amy Johnson Velis
Sun contributor
This is a photograph of my mother, Toni Johnson. Her given name is Olive, a name she despises, yet her family finds precious. “Can you imagine being called Olive Oil every day as a child?” she’ll say to explain her disdain for the name her parents gave her 94 years ago. As a result of this teasing, precocious little Olive returned home from elementary school one afternoon and announced that her name was “Toni.” The name stuck.
Back to the photograph. Notice the date? March 17, 2020. This has been the way Mom has visited with her family for nine months. Consider this, Mom hasn’t been hugged or kissed by her family for three quarters of a year, roughly 270 days, give or take. Three days after Michigan’s schools closed on March 13, assisted living facilities also closed their doors to visitors. As a result, Mom hasn’t been in a car to go anywhere, with the exception of quarterly visits to Munson’s Pain Clinic. She has missed her grandson’s birthday, Easter, Memorial Day, Mother’s Day, the Fourth of July, her granddaughter’s birthday, her daughter’s birthday, Labor Day, Halloween, Veterans’ Day, and Thanksgiving. She hasn’t been out to eat, gone shopping, gone on a fall color tour, seen her precious Lake Michigan, nor a single friend outside of Boardman Lake Glens in nine months. She’s watched through the window as her granddaughter Emma left Michigan for a teaching position in Brooklyn, New York, a position which prevents Emma from returning to Michigan for Christmas this year. (Covid 19 precautionary measures by the State of New York would require Emma to quarantine upon returning from Michigan, a quarantine that would infringe upon her teaching duties and school year.) Mom said goodbye, again through the window, as her grandson Charlie returned to Glasgow, Scotland to finish his Master’s Degree. Soon, she’ll be unable to celebrate her 94th birthday, on December 19, with those she loves. Oh, yes, then there’s Christmas, a holiday Mom cherishes. Traditionally, Christmas Eve is spent in Mom’s sweet little apartment in the Highlander building of Boardman Lake Glens. Her family gathers around hors d’oeuvres which must include creamed herring, my late dad’s favorite. Christmas is spent across the hallway at Joan and Charlie Velis’s
welcoming apartment where Joan, who demonstrates her love of family through cooking, prepares a beautiful and generous Christmas meal. Joan and Charlie are my husband John’s parents. This Christmas, none of these traditions will occur.
John and I consider ourselves lucky that our parents live across the hallway from one another. During good times, we laugh that we have a “corner of the market” on the Highlander building. John and I remind ourselves that we’re fortunate — Mom, Joan, and Charlie live in this lovely one story building on Boardman Lake. John and I, as well as my brother-in-law, Jeff, recognize our ease at visiting our parents through their windows, six feet away from those windows, masked up. We think of those who have loved ones in multiple storied facilities and wonder how they see their family members. We realize how fortunate we are as well that our parents are given the attentive, thorough, and safe care by the extraordinary staff of Boardman Lake Glens. In addition to their roles as dedicated caregivers, this staff has now taken on the role of family, too. One of these loving souls has a mom in a different facility. So while she so lovingly takes care of my mom, someone else is taking care of hers. Like the staff in all facilities providing care to others, the staff of the Highlander building is tired. That fatigue is hidden behind eyes that still twinkle, a work ethic dedicated to service, and with an obvious, yet mask-covered smile.
Despite our good fortune, Mom now cries every day, every time we talk. She is lonely. She misses her family. She eats breakfast, lunch, and dinner all alone, day in, and day out. She feels like a burden, relying on others for everything. She is losing her vision, which prevents her from her passion of reading. Loneliness has sped up a cognitive decline and a loss of the ability to press the buttons on her State of Michigan Library for the Blind reader. She has forgotten that all she needs to do is say, “Okay Google, play Frank Sinatra,” to hear the sound of big bands that she historically sang along and aloud with. She suffers a confusion that the experts in geriatric care say is rooted in isolation and loneliness.
Mom’s generation sacrificed for this country during World War II. Sacrifice for others, especially country, is what our parents were taught. And so, for those of you who are voicing concerns that your rights and freedoms are being violated because we’re being asked to wear a mask, I invite you to stop and think about what others have given up during this pandemic. Our parents belong to a generation who fought to protect our rights and freedoms. While we so fervently honor our veterans one day each November, when asked to do something to protect their well being, we protest, citing our “rights.” What an odd and interesting juxtaposition!
Thankfully, many people have demonstrated loving care for others during this time that we must unite as a nation to take care of our neighbors. I am humbled and amazed to be part of the Glen Lake Schools community that has been extraordinary in its ability to “think outside the box” in order to take care of students and their families. Paraprofessionals joined bus drivers and kitchen staff to deliver food, via Glen Lake buses, for Laker bellies, toilet paper for Laker homes, and necessary learning supplies to eager students. Even donated diapers were delivered to future Lakers on those bright yellow buses. Safe, pop-up learning labs have provided continuity in education for a variety of Lakers. Maintenance staff implemented new and different ways to clean not just rooms and buses, but the actual air our students breathe. Office staff have been extra diligent in connecting with our families. Glen Lake’s nurses have been dedicated to the health of all in our community. Our athletic department has stayed abreast of ever-changing Michigan High School Athletic Association decisions regarding our athletes. Counselors have applied extra measures to assess and support the mental health of students and employees. Our student support and family liaison team are in constant communication with parents. Today our staff delivered Glen Lake’s traditional holiday meal to the homes of all our high school students who are currently learning remotely.
This is all due to this community that believes it is our mission to support a school and the people in it. When the pandemic arrived this spring, Graeme Leask and the staff of the Little Traverse Inn provided free weekly meals to anyone in need. Mary MacDonald of Peg Town provided meals as well, including Easter dinners, along with a spot for a pop-up food bank. Frank and Mary Lerchen got creative and now offer a small grocery store at the Empire Village Inn so the residents of Empire needn’t drive to obtain groceries.
The community continues to contact Glen Lake Schools’ Counseling Department and Glen Lake’s Student/Family Support Team to ask, “What is needed? How can we help?” Leelanau Christian Neighbors delivers food each week for Blessings in a Backpack (BiaB). One of our families again bought livestock from local 4-H members during the virtual Northwest Michigan Fair, paid to have the meat processed in a USDA approved facility, and then donated the meat in an effort to provide additional protein to hungry Laker families. Thanksgiving meals for 16 families were provided by a group of Glen Lake School’s moms. Area service organizations like the former Empire Eagles and the Empire/ Glen Arbor Lions Club, as well as the Cedar/ Maple City Lions Club, have always been incredibly supportive during the holidays. Bethlehem Lutheran Church walks the walk of “What Would Jesus Do?” by annually giving a portion of their third quarter tithing to, and out of love for, Glen Lake children. The Hayloft’s cuss jar money is shared with those in need. (Writing a thank you to all of their customers who swear brings a smile to whichever counselor has that duty!) This year, Cooley Contracting wanted “in” on helping. Laker families write checks or shop for Little Lakers. As a result, Operation Christmas is in full swing, making sure the children of our area are taken care of this holiday. This season, because of the generosity of this community, well over 100 Lakers will have a merrier Christmas. Thank you for the sacrifice of wearing a mask to take care of others for what we as Americans hold so dear — the common good. May we continue to be guided by this value and may we always remember those who made it possible.
