What’s the Deal with Leah?

This feature photo of Good Harbor Grill chef Leah Doe Simkins feeding the Echo Valley pigs “Tasty” and “Delicious” appeared in the Glen Arbor Sun last summer, and unbeknownst to us, the restaurant’s fine staff posted it on their bulletin board and invited employees to choose an appropriate caption. Through an extensive espionage campaign, and finally an appeal to the Freedom of Information Act, the Sun was able to retrieve the caption sheet and shed light on its contents. Here it is (Editor’s note: The pigs in question had no comment, as they were safely digested last winter):

– “Leah feeding the fudgies at the grill.”
– “Leah begging for a hot date.”
– “Leah taking a (squat) in the pig pen.”
– “How about a pork special?”
– “Mmm, they kind of look like babies.”
– “Don’t even look at her, she’s trying to give you (a cookie).”
– “The Top Ten Signs that your hands are filthy. No. 10, pigs totally ignore you.”
– “Leah forgot to order ham again.”
– “Tonight on ‘When Animals Attack XIII’, a young woman is brutally …”
– “Don’t look, but we can see (her tattoo).”
– “OK, here’s the plan. We eat the food in her hand, then we gore her to death and walk on her staggering dead carcass.”
– “On the count of three, we’ll (jump) her …”
– “If you squint just right, the one on the left looks sort of like Brendon Frasier.”
– “Leah effectively shows all of Glen Arbor how to ‘look like a (fool)’ in the local paper.”
– “(Darn) it, can’t they at least pretend to love me?”
– “(Darn) it, can’t she at least pretend to love us?”
– “At the end of her wits, Leah does the unthinkable. She tries to score a (cookie) from several ‘well-off’ pigs nearby.”
– “After years in captivity, Leah is returned to her natural habitat.”
We welcome future caption submissions from past Glen Arbor Suns for our new “What’s the Deal with __ section. Please keep it clean, or we’ll be forced to edit. Thank you for your readership.