Celebrating Empire’s green stalk, with an ode, poetry and recipes
From staff reports
The Empire Asparagus Festival drew 2,500 enthusiastic “spargel” revelers last weekend. The annual weekend-long event has drawn acclaim as “one of the world’s weirdest festivals”. On Friday night, festival organizer and town booster Paul Skinner was honored for his service to Empire. Read Norm Wheeler’s “ode to Paul Skinner” (which was read Friday night by Anne-Marie Oomen). We’ve also included this year’s Asparagus Festival poetry and recipe contest winners. Congrats to all!
Ode to Paul Skinner
By Norm Wheeler
Sun editor
He’s the Earl of Empire, the King of Asparagus,
From the hamlet of Goodman, the best man among us.
The pride of East Yorkshire, then the Hoodersfield College,
Left in ’76 with management knowledge.
He managed hotels, both the George and the Bull,
Then wholesaled fresh flowers till the markets were full
Of mixed bouquets, (though the Brits call them “bunches”).
Paul left the UK because right then his hunch was
That Heidi still hung around Little Glen Lake
Where his mother would visit the Kuschell estate
And play golf every summer. He chased Heidi here,
And their wedding was Christmas of ‘97’s cheer!
Sought employment with Volvo, but without a visa
He was just another wetback who sat on his keester
Looking for ways to make the Miser’s Hoard grow.
Soon a registered seller on Ebay, you know,
They bought a desk, a computer, and a digital HB
With a card that held just 16 pictures to see.
Paul’s site got big hits through the Cherryland host,
Of all of their businesses, his got the most.
So he made a challenge with friend Randy Peek:
Who could sell the most funky or useless or cheek-y
Tchotchke on Ebay? Peek sold a used toothbrush.
But Paul took his time, he’s not one to rush.
At an auction a horseshoe wrapped in wires of copper
Had an 1888 patent by one Crocker Wheeler.
Its spindle was empty, what could it be?
For only 12 dollars it was worth it to see.
Sold for $2700. What’s that you say?
First electric fan made in the U.S. of A?
But missing the blades. If they had been there
It would have fetched him $8000. Paul didn’t care.
A deal is a deal, and he had a story
To bring with Miser’s Hoard to Empire, and glory
Be to us all, he joined the Planning Commission!
Then Ashley Turner Walter and Paul had a vision:
An Asparagus Festival to kick off the season,
Support local farms and give us a reason
To block off downtown and put up a tent,
Bring food booths and brew pubs for almost no rent,
Have bands, a parade, bring the town in some money,
And if that’s a success, we’ll continue to honey
The autumn as well, with a Festival of Hops
To bookend the season, celebrate all the crops!
Now there’s Wifi and daffodils, the Hill Climb Revival.
That Miser’s Hoard guy’s got a touch that goes viral!
So here is our Ode to our homey, Paul Skinner,
This father of festivals made Empire a winner.
……………………….
To Empire’s Pride
First place, Asparagus Festival poetry contest
By Jeannie Gregory
A semi-condensed version of the poem “Paul Revere’s Ride” by Henry Wadsworth Longfellow
Listen my children and you shall hear
A clever ode to the ‘sparagus spear,
On this twenty-first of May, 2016;
Those leaning keen on smelly and green
Shall remember this famous day and year.
I’ve always a fondness for the curious spear
Paying homage by eating it voraciously,
I’ve consumed thousands, don’t laugh, I’m being sincere
Do I love its distinct taste? Indubitably!
One if by pan, and two if by grill;
I’ve found the delectable spear a real thrill
In particular when I oil and spice up the treat.
Pleasing myself from my gut to my feet,
It tempts me to eat and eat and…well, eat.
A friend found a festival, with colorful lore
So excitedly we rode to the Empire shore.
Just as the sun rose over the bay,
We found where the lovers of the green lay
Unearthing a roasting of a pig by Art
And enough beer to fill a grocery cart,
Plus cherry pies, tasting sweet, and yet tart.
We also spied a band called Strobelight Honey,
Who had fans trying to dance…boy, did they look funny.
Ten in the morn by the village clock
Spied the 5K run at the sandy beach.
We heard the slapping of feet on the rock,
And the beating of each runner’s heartbeat,
At the end the fast times they did chart neat,
Followed by a rousing Kick Ass-paragus speech.
It was noon by the village clock,
When the hungry entered Town Hall.
Where recipes filled dish, pan and wok.
On countless tables the entries stacked to the roof.
With tastes of soups, dips, entrees and even dessert
Causing words of exaltation the judges to blurt,
With the drool that ensued, there lie physical proof
The goodness of green obvious to one and to all.
It was two by the village clock,
When we came to the Hall in Empire town.
And heard the breathing of the flock.
The twitter of hecklers amongst the crowd,
Yet we hoped for clapping, strong and loud.
At this poetry reading, the world-reknown.
For you see, tis easy to regale its attributes
And the fact in all kinds of things tis delicious,
In stanzas that rhyme and pay a deep tribute,
Questioning non-fans – their intelligence suspicious.
Saturday found a parade that crawls through the city
They blew horns, marched, and sang a spear ditty.
Led by ten and twenty volunteers,
Cars floats and firetrucks honored the spears
The crowd lifting glasses and yelling “cheers”
A route with a map, well, it roughly adheres.
The march of man, woman, child they never retreat.
The crowd happily led to the tent on Front Street.
You know the rest in the odes you have heard
Of how asparagus inspires the clever word.
How the villagers and guests pay homage each year
With dance, music, food, and copious beer.
Chasing the spears straight down to the tummy,
Where a grateful gut declares the result “yummy.”
Whilst under the trees in the quaint village of Empire
There’s a celebration lesser towns can but only admire.
So throughout the weekend, the spear we did toast,
Its delightful tastiness, color and heavenly charm
Tho the resultant smell of urine may cause some alarm
But that’s easily overcome by the fun, wine and roast!
Every year we pay homage to the veggie we adore,
An unflagging devotion that shall echo evermore!
For, borne in the rich soil of our fair state,
Is the most delectable veggie that’s grown yet to date,
The choice to make it legend is a driving need
For the people who come flocking year after year
This tribute is for you smart folks who’ve paid heed,
And the weekend of the glorious asparagus spear.
……………………….
ASPARAGUS TIME
Second place, Asparagus Festival poetry contest
By Lisa Engel
Once below a sand dune
The thought occurred to God
To nurture tasty foliage
Where elk and deer did trod
The stalks were called asparagus
The Greeks they knew them well
And if you try to eat them
Your pee is sure to smell
The time to pick is May or June
The tools you need are none
It doesn’t cost you anything
And sure is lots of fun
Cooks they now do ponder
Clever ways to win a prize
They whip up such concoctions
As soups and stews and pies
This bright green shoot has never been
To make the village wealthy
But when the guests come into town
It’s clear the place is healthy
Grab your mother, spouse or friend
Come socialize and learn
Asparagus isn’t just a plant
It’s a small and tasty fern
Eat it raw or eat it steamed
Use your fingers it’s quite proper
Just don’t forget to check your teeth
The blossoms tend to stop there
When the season comes to close
We blanch and can and freeze
And hoard our yummy veggies
For all winter they will please
A Villanelle for Asparagus
Second place, Asparagus Festival poetry contest
By Stephanie Schneider
Its stems are tender and rare.
Arising in the early spring,
A flavor delicious and fair.
From soil once cold and bare,
Where grew no living thing,
Its stems are tender and rare.
If proud forager will dare,
Their sated tongue will sing:
A flavor delicious and fair!
Too often the wind-fleet hare
Will earn the spring’s first tasting!
Its stems are tender and rare.
Quickly we cast away care
As gentle zephyrs bring
A flavor delicious and fair.
Joyously we will all share
The bounty of this green king.
Its stems are tender and rare,
A flavor delicious and fair!
Spicy Cajun Asparagus
Chef’s Choice, First place, Asparagus Recipe contest
By Bonnie Nescot, Art’s Tavern
2 tablespoons butter
½ teaspoon onion powder
¼-1/2 teaspoon seasoning salt, to taste
½-1 teaspoon cajun seasoning, to taste
crushed red pepper flakes to taste
1 ½-2 pounds fresh asparagus, trimmed
Melt butter in large skillet
Add onion powder, seasoned salt, Cajun seasoning and stir to mix
Add asparagus, stirring just to coat
Cover and cook, 5-7 minutes to crisp-tender
Asparagus Cheese Quiche Bites
People’s Choice, First place, Asparagus Recipe contest
By Linda Payment
1# Cheddar Cheese
1# Monaray Jack Cheese
6 Large Eggs
5 oz. Evaporated Milk
4.5 oz. Chopped Green Chiles
About ½ # uncooked asparagus sliced in thin slices
Put ½ cheese mixture on the bottom of 9 x 13 pan
Sprinkle green chiles on top of cheese
Sprinkle asparagus on top of chiles
Put other ½ cheese mixture on top of asparagus
Blend the eggs and the milk together & pour over all
Bake @ 350 for 30 min.
Slightly cook and cut in 1 or 2” pieces (good warm or cold)
