——

What would pornography for women be like? Two hours of cuddling, and then the guy proposes to her afterwards!

——

She’s on a motherhood trip now. “Why don’t we give kids names that they can use in the real world? Not names like Princess. Guys can only think of giving their kids sports names like “Champ”.

Sports metaphors are all that guys to relate to: “Getting to first base.”

And guys show solidarity with their sports teams on TV. “Oh, we beat ‘em tonight.” As if the LA Lakers need you! That would be like we women watching Greys Anatomy wearing our doctors scrubs!

All guys love are sports and porn ….. thanks to high-speed DSL.

——

Whitney on women giving birth (a female friend insisted on showing Whitney her birth video): “so many things come out after the baby …. there goes a jellyfish …. scary, like Blair Witch project. …. I’m thinking of giving birth just to find my car keys!”

—-

Women aren’t taught real-world practical skills, Whitney jokes. Last time she bought gasoline, she filled her car with Diesel. All the guys groan, and the girls say, “Huh, so?”

Girl Scouts teach us to go door-to-door in short skirts and sell cookies, that we didn’t even make. All that teaches us as adults is how to be hookers. …. Whereas guys get to learn to be Eagle Scouts, how to start fires and tie knots. Practical stuff.

A lull in the crowd. “Just keep in mind, I’m doing this act while digesting like 700 cherries.”

—-

Breaking down relationship psychology. This lady’s funny. Women aren’t allowed to admit to going through their guy’s wallet, even it yields his crush on Julie from the Cheesecake Factory.

“You know your last relationship was a bad one when even reminiscing about it is no fun.”

—-

Whitney is going off on strippers …. and guys who want their ladies emotionally unattached and dependent on their paychecks.

She’s ripping off one-liners without taking a breath between jokes. Impressive.

—-

Whitney says she’s eaten 3,000 pounds of cherries during her Traverse City visit, and is gonna puke any second. Now that would be entertaining.

—-

I’m live blogging the Whitney Cummings — Jeff Garlin act at the State Theatre tonight, so please refresh this window to follow their jokes.

Second funniest person Jeff Garlin knows is Conan O’Brien, his former roommate.

The funniest is Amy Sedaris

Whose the biggest (jerk **) in Hollywood? Warren Sapp, the NFL player recently arrested.

A woman in the crowd asks if Jeff Garlin also holds hatred for the singer Jewel (who went to school in nearby Interlochen). His answer: not so much, though she plays a repertoire of “lame songs”

Kid Rock soils Wrigley Field
February 20, 2010 – 12:22 am

Lifelong Cubs can Jeff Garlin often sings “Take me out to the ballgame” during the seventh inning stretch at Wrigley Field.

He’s on stage now recalling when Kid Rock — the pride of the mitten state — joined him at the ballpark and accidentally cursed, into a live mic, at the Cubs third baseman after he made a critical error.

“Let’s get some runs!” the guest announcer typically screams to Cubs fans after singing the song. “Let’s get some lunch,” Kid Rock yelled that day, at Garlin’s behest.

Garlin on race
February 20, 2010 – 12:16 am

We here in Northern Michigan don’t close schools on Martin Luther King Jr. Day …. nor do we call our main street in Traverse City MLK Boulevard …. “We’re racists,” jabs Jeff Garlin, before he returns to his easy comedic target … making fun of the Chicago Cubs.

Banana politics
February 20, 2010 – 12:03 am

Jeff Garlin is talking into the banana as if it were a cell phone. He says the joke worked at Michael Moore’s house over breakfast, and he claims it’s worked before in restaurants, but that it’s never made people laugh while on stage. Tonight the crowd is laughing though. In fact, a woman in the front row of the State Theatre is trying to call him … on his banana phone.

“Hello,” Garlin answers. “Who is this?”

“Orange,” she says …

Obesity acceptance
February 19, 2010 – 11:53 pm

It’s OK to be fat, Jeff Garlin jokes. He’s holding up an advertisement his wife found in a magazine for beach chairs that hold 500-lb dudes … and other products for the morbidly obese (stadium seat cushions, toenail clippers, anyone?)

(For good reason, I didn’t blog about his last muse 5 minutes ago — an overweight man’s visit to the special massage parlor).

But here’s an online pic of Jeff next to another Chicago icon, Cubs manager Lou Piniella

Waste-level monologues and opposite-sex marriage bans
February 19, 2010 – 11:41 pm

Jeff Garlin just let the microphone slide to crotch level …. was it intentional? was it an accident? was it a crowd pleaser? Has this been done before?

It was a sudden mishap …. now he’s moved on to lobby for banning opposite-sex marriage … you know, just for laughs.

Garlin night
February 19, 2010 – 11:33 pm

The main act has arrived. Jeff Garlin is serenading the Traverse City faithful …. he may be dreaming about erections, he says, but he’s standing upright at the State Theatre …. now!

I’m not allowed to reprint the language here on this blog that’s coming out of his mouth, but let’s just say that it involves, the Great Wolf Lodge, the Blue Goat, fornicating, and fudge. Mmmmm.

Ouch, grandpa!
February 19, 2010 – 11:30 pm

Mike Toomey didn’t need five minutes before he insulted my grandfather. Cause my grandpa actually goes to those Country Barn restaurants that Toomey just described, and orders things he can’t taste, and tries to remember foods he could taste 60 years ago. Square shape, must be a brownie! Ouch, grandpa.

Toomey rewrites Christmas favorites
February 19, 2010 – 11:21 pm

Mike Toomey takes the stage to open for Jeff Garlin at the State Theatre in front of a full-house crowd on opening night. In front of a velvet curtain, he massages the public’s funny bones with his re-written Christmas songs that emphasize how the Midwestern winters make his private parts freeze.

Wow, three cheers for morbidity.

Teenager of the Year agreed to tell jokes on stage that were submitted by dying kids in Chicago hospitals on behalf of the Make A Wish foundation …. and record the performance live for them ….. and we’re laughing at the jokes “because the kids are dying soon.”

They’re actually great jokes.

Like this one: What’s Santa’s favorite holiday? …. “Christmas!”

Or this: What’s the scariest Great Lake? ….. “Lake ERIE!”

And this: What’s a vegetable’s favorite time of day? …. “Whenever it’s not being molested!”

Or better yet: What’s the best thing about being in a hospital? ….. “all the free ice cream!”

I wanna laugh, and sob, simultaneously.

Not for your grandmother!

Wow! The boys from Teenager of the Year are acting out different (some offensive) sketches — as if those acts were facing off in a March Madness College Hoops tournament

First up: :”Skydiving Rapist” defeats “Eighties Night”

Next: “The Last Toilet” knocked out by “Fight Scene on Pause”

Product placement

Teenager of the Year (Joe and Tim, from the Chicago neighborhood of Lincoln Square) just acted out an uncut version of their “Doritos Collision” commercial (you know, the pizza-ranch dressing-flavored chips). The act merged snack food promotion with an entire family dying in a “collision” car wreck. Anything goes in comedy!

Fit for my Grandma?

Posted eight hours ago on Teenager of the Year’s website:

“I have tickets for your TC Comedyfest show tonight. Will my 14 year old Daughter like your stuff? or should I bring my Grandma?”

Verdict’s still out. Have yet to see any blood and gore …

X-rated

Ten minutes into show, Teenager of the Year informs us, “no more refunds accepted”. I can see why, because the strip show begins soon afterwards (that is, the patriotic jerseys give way to hipster sweaters …. these guys are from Chicago, after all)

Kickin’ in patriotic style

Teenager of the Year just walked on stage at the Old Town Playhouse wearing patriotic white sweaters with American flags on them (timed for the Olympics, I wonder?). A little intro dance followed. Not choreographed. Certainly not synchronized.

How much you getting paid for that gig?

Minutes after stepping out of my car after the scenic, 5-hour drive here from Chicago, I meet a happy, semi-inebriated Canadian named Ian who was asked at the Michigan-Canada border on his drive down today (by men in uniforms), how much he’d be getting paid for his appearance at the first annual Traverse City Comedy Fest today. Needless to say, he’ll be in the audience, not on stage. I laughed anyway. The first joke of the evening.

It’s great to be here: Les bon temps roulez!

By Adam Doster

Last week, the White House released its own $78.5 million Asian carp deterrence plan. Environmentalists, nervous that an invasion will wreak havoc on the region’s ecosystem, are expressing disappointment with the Obama administration’s lack of a timeline or cohesive plan.

The reversal of the Chicago River is one of the most iconic and important engineering feats in Illinois history. For decades, residents of the city dumped their personal and industrial sewage into the river, which flowed directly into Lake Michigan, the area’s primary source of drinking water. By building the Chicago Sanitary and Ship Canal in 1900 — the only shipping link between the Great Lakes and the Mississippi River system — and forcing wastewater away from the lake using a series of navigation locks, civil engineers were able to protect the population from waterborne disease and establish Chicago as a national shipping hub.

But the river reversal had one unintended consequence: By connecting the Great Lakes with the Mississippi River basin, engineers created what Joel Brammeier of the Alliance for the Great Lakes calls an “aquatic superhighway.”

Enter the Asian carp

A native of China, four species of asian carp (whose weight can exceed 100 pounds) were originally imported to America by southern catfish farmers in the 1970s to eat pond algae. After floods decade ago caused some ponds in Arkansas to overflow, the fish escaped and have slowly curled their way up the Mississippi, leaping over and slipping through man-made barriers. Over time, they even made their way into the last tributaries connecting the Gulf of Mexico with Lake Michigan.

If the carp infest the lake, they will undoubtedly wreak havoc on the region’s ecosystem. By eating massive amounts of plankton and algae, the fish would essentially knock out the lowest species in the water’s food-chain, crowding out smaller fish. They also reproduce at blistering speeds; one female can produce upwards of 1 million eggs in her lifetime. “They are programmed to eat and breed,” said Jennifer Nalbone, the Navigation and Invasive Species specialist at Great Lakes United, on a conference call with reporters last week. When startled, the fish can also leap up to eight feet in the air with enough force to smash into fishing and recreational boats. While it might take years for the carp to establish a firm presence, the threats to the region’s $7 billion fishing industry, as well as the $16 billion recreational boating industry, are immense.

How close are they to Lake Michigan?

In late November, the Army Corps of Engineers validated scientific research that found the species had breached an electric barrier on the Sanitary and Ship Canal, less than 100 miles from the lake. In response, Illinois officials quickly dumped a toxic chemical into a nearly 6-mile stretch near Lockport where the fish were located, killing an estimated 100 tons of additional fish in the process. But it wasn’t enough. In late January, researchers at the University of Notre Dame identified Asian carp DNA in Lake Michigan’s Calumet Harbor near the Illinois-Indiana border. Last Tuesday, Illinois officials promised to take another shot at targeted removal. Starting this week, they will use nets and electrofishing techniques to trap the fish. While none have yet been detected in the lake itself, the urgency is clearly growing.

The dueling solutions

After convening an “Asian carp summit” with Gov. Pat Quinn and other Midwestern elected officials last week, the White House released its own $78.5 million Asian carp deterrence plan. At a crowded public hearing hosted by the U.S. Environmental Protection Agency (EPA) in Chicago on Friday, environmentalists give the administration’s proposal mixed reviews. They approved of funding for the construction of new barriers to protect against flooding, as well as expanded research into DNA monitoring and analysis. More crucially, the administration hinted for the first time it would consider periodically closing the two navigational locks along the canal several times each month — perhaps for as long as a week — which is a main priority for the green coalition. When barges pass through the lock, more poison would be thrown into the water as a partial deterrent.

Still, environmentalists expressed disappointment with the White House’s lack of a timeline or cohesive plan. “It’s like presenting a list of ingredients,” says Andy Buchsbaum of the National Wildlife Federation, “without a recipe.”

They instead stress the need to implement what the National Resource Defense Council’s Thom Cmar called, “short-term, zero tolerance policies.” More specifically, they’re arguing in favor of what’s called “ecological separation.” That means permanently separating the Great Lakes from Mississippi River Basin by shutting down the locks immediately and fully — a move six Great Lakes states and Ontario tried (and failed) to force through a court order. The Obama administration plan reserves some funding for research into the viability of such a project.

Illinois lawmakers and barge operators are already working to block the “separation” approach. At a news conference Thursday, Reps. Debbie Halvorson, Judy Biggert, and Danny Davis spoke out against any lock closures, suggesting it will hurt statewide commerce. That was also the concern of many of those who attended the public hearing Friday. Yet economic research from Wayne State University in Detroit seems to contradict their thesis. Only 7 million tons of cargo moves through the locks annually, represent less than 1 percent of all Chicago-area freight traffic. That load could be addressed by adding two trains to the fleet of over 500 that (slowly) work themselves around the city each day — a fix that would only cost $70 million per year. Cleaning out a carp-infested lake would be far more expensive.

As the debate continues over how best to prevent a possible carp invasion, here is the question at the center of it all: Will Illinois officials support the parochial interests of local businesses or make every effort to protect one of the state’s most treasured natural resources?

The Empire community lost a dear friend and familiar face on Jan. 21 with the passing of Marykate Chalup, who was 52 years old. Chalup worked at both Deering’s Market and at the Sleeping Bear Dunes National Lakeshore (the local branch of the National Park Service). Devoted and loving parents of four children, Marykate and her husband Jeff moved to Empire in the 1990s partly so that their eldest daughter, Amy, could attend The Leelanau School, the private college-prep high school in nearby Glen Arbor. In addition to Jeff and Amy, Marykate is survived by three other children, Matt, Paul and Sarah.

Marykate didn’t have health insurance, and her family now faces the additional challenge of paying off a mountain of medical bills. In a country without health insurance, it’s our job as members of the community who knew Marykate to step in and help, not just with our words of compassion but with our wallets. There’s a donation jar at Deering’s Market, and funds set up for Marykate Chalup at both Empire banks — Huntington Bank (payable to “Chalup Family Fund,” 10210 Front Street, Empire, MI 49630, call 231-922-5753 for information) and State Savings Bank (231-326-4003). Checks and cash both accepted.

This cold winter season, the needy are looking to you, from Empire to Haiti.
(—the Editors)

A force to be reckoned with

… and here are a few memories and diddies about Marykate that were shared at her memorial service on Saturday, Jan. 23.

Courtesy of good friend Pete Lavalley.

This portion of the service is to share memories of Marykate plagiarizing NPR’s “Wait, Wait, Don’t Tell Me”

‘These memories have been thoroughly researched”

“Your responses to the memories have not been.”

“Anyone objecting to these statements should, (as Marykate would say, ‘Get a Life’ or ‘Bite Me.’)

Most of us found out about the Chalup family via Rumor Central of Empire, otherwise known as “Tiffany’s House of 3 flavors. Well, maybe if the ice cream truck arrived.” The chatter was ‘Have you heard? Someone with a bunch of kids bought the Taghon House on Main Street AND they’re from Midland!”

That’s how Marykate and family arrived on the scene. We quickly learned that family and children were her top priority, which of course brings to mind, and I’m quoting here, “It’s a Chalup thing.” She used this expression quite often to explain the incredible things that would happen to the family — it was Marykate’s version of “Murphy’s Law”.

We soon realized that Marykate was a force to be reckoned with. She said exactly what she thought. But it wasn’t just what she said but the way that she said it! We know she had a Staples “Easy” button, but luckily she had no censor button. We know this because she took on the educational system (504 Plan) as well as the local political system. “Empire Planning anyone?” And of course any time there was an issue or cause that needed to be defended you could be certain that a well-written Marykate “Letter to the Editor” would appear.

Marykate was a chameleon when it came to change, to career choices, to family crises, or to major changes in her life.

She had her “D” list — a “D”egree in child development, then a manager at a “D”isabled Adult home, then on to a “D”ay care facility (love of children was always her “thing”), as campground manager at “D.” H. Day in the National Park, and finally “D” for doughnuts at Deerings.

Anything she took on she would run — she became the “go see Marykate” on all things related to the government forms at the National Park or with dealing with the State of Michigan. And she retooled the Empire Business Website just for something to do.

To say that Marykate had a “quirky” personality is putting it mildly. One of her best ‘quirks”, which I’m certain most of us had the pleasure to receive, or to see, was her “Cheshire Cat Grin” that was reserved for anyone foolish enough to ask a question that had an obvious answer. She certainly enjoyed using that grin on unsuspecting tourists who assumed that her house was always for sale.

Collecting the offbeat was her hobby. They include anything related to Santa Claus, UGH dolls, a house full of pets, kitchy souvenirs from her trips, a collection of pencils with logos or slogans, and offbeat bumper stickers. Of course, not to be omitted are her wonderful collection of people who are here today to honor her.

She enjoyed supporting the local community. She continued the Empire volunteer tradition(s) as the Parade Lady for Anchor Day, she organized the Empire Christmas Dinner, and participated in the Winter Fest and the Holiday Art Market.

If a volunteer was needed Marykate would step up.

If you needed an ear, she was there to listen

If you needed an advocate, she was there.

If you needed a shoulder, you could count on her.

But now we all need to step up and be there for each other. Marykate certainly showed us how it’s done.

Cedar resident and musician Bill Dungjen was looking for other music makers who wanted to clear their homes and garages of unused sound and music gear. So on Sunday. Jan. 17, the WNMC Roundup radio show host and coordinator of Open Mic Thursdays at The Hay-loft Inn on M-72 (and occasional Glen Arbor Sun contributor) invited musicians, music stores, instrument repair persons and music lovers to converge at the Solon Township Hall in Cedar from 1 to 7 p.m. for a public gear-and-instrument “Swap Meet” that included live music and food.

The day was, in Dungjen’s opinion, a terrific success. Attendance estimates reached 225, though folks came and went all day. “I learned a lot and am excited to begin planning more events in the hall,” he continued. “We had a full day of great live music and lots of old friends and catching up. The food was great and many of the folks there wanted to do it again soon!”

The event, the first of its kind in the area, was partly inspired by the region’s annual and highly successful ski swap.

“Everyone’s always carping about stuff they don’t use,” Dungjen said. “My hope and my aim with the swap is for people who are musicians to pass on gear that’s stagnant and, second, to get out and play music with it, and (for younger or new performers) to meet more experienced hands.”

Dungjen remembered assuming hosting duties years ago for Open Mic night at the Cedar Tavern — but not having any equipment. His predecessor, Patrick Niemisto of “New Third Coast,” wrangled some gear for him.

“He sold me a plunked-together rig full of stuff,” Dungjen said with a loud chuckle. “Later, I put an ad in the newspaper to sell that rig to kids just starting out in a band.”

Swapping tunes

Participating “swap” musicians took the stage and were recorded for possible inclusion in an upcoming Roundup show, which airs Sundays at 5:30 p.m. on 90.7 FM. Dungjen explained that the goal of the radio program is to provide “a ton of great, local music” that isn’t necessarily performed by “hardcore” local musicians, such as Angelo Melo or Don Julin, but by others he affectionately calls “goobers,” who play in their living rooms or at the Open Mic nights.

“You may not hear the best out there, but (you’ll listen to) those who love it the most.”

Dungjen also viewed the swap as an opportunity for the music community to gather and talk about things that are important to them — such as not being able to make money as a professional musician in the area. He said that other communities of musicians are working together: “Solidarity is the key.”

Musicians who attended the swap included Patrick Niemisto, Cedar Valley Boys, CR616, Pat Michael, Tom Carr, the North Country String Band, Dennis Palmer, and the Curtiss Family Band. Other invited groups included members of the Traverse Symphony Orchestra and Interlochen Arts Academy musicians.

The public enjoyed the music, and food was provided by Buntings Cedar Market for a nominal charge of $5.

For more information, visit www.cedarvalleyproductions.us or call Dungjen at (231) 342-1062.

Bending over backward, forward or sideways for her students is a natural state of being for UNION/YOGA Owner-Director Sandra Carden, who will bring her enthusiasm and 12 years of teacher training experience to The Homestead starting Jan. 31, for a 28-day, 200-hour beginning yoga-teacher certification program.

“We are thrilled to be able to offer Sandra space and resources to host her amazing teacher training program,” said The Homestead Spa and Fitness Manager Tara Ziegler, who shared that the resort will offer multiple levels of accommodations and dining for those students who decide to stay overnight instead of commute. “Northern Michigan is so fortunate to have such an outstanding master teacher right here in Leelanau County,” Ziegler enthused. “She is an empowering, inspirational teacher, and her students grow to become phenomenal teachers themselves.”

According to Ziegler, UNION/YOGA (which makes its current home at the Leelanau Center for Contemplative Arts in Lake Leelanau) is licensed by the State of Michigan and has the distinction of being the only school north of Grand Rapids accredited by the Yoga Alliance (a national organization that sets professional standards for teacher certification) to offer both the 200-hour Classic and 500-hour Master levels of teacher certification. Approximately 100 students, ranging in age from 18 to 70, have been certified to teach yoga through Carden’s school.

Nearly anyone interested in becoming certified may participate in the upcoming training at The Homestead; the only prerequisite for the 200-level program is two years of prior yoga experience. The 7 a.m. to 4 or 5 p.m. daily studies (there are no days off during the 28-day program) will include anatomy, physiology, yoga’s medical and scientific benefits, yoga lifestyle and ethics, Sanskrit, teaching and methodology, and practical business skills such as marketing and advertising. Time will be set aside each day for hands-on public teaching experience and yoga practice, the latter to learn yoga poses (asanas) and techniques. Students receive one hour for lunch and those wanting total yoga immersion can partake of vegetarian-style, East Indian-Asian cuisine. Class participants can enjoy a 50-percent discount on services at the resort’s Spa Amira, open 10-6 on Fridays, Saturdays and Sundays or by appointment during the week.

Certification or self-study by immersion

While two-thirds of students take the intensive training to become teachers, Carden said one third are there for self-study, to immerse themselves in yoga and deepen their understanding of its philosophy, history or health benefits.

“It’s not about the postures,” Carden explained. “During yoga self-study, some students find that their appetites, friends or goals in life are changing. It sparks their curiosity when they find it’s affecting their whole life; they want to learn how to harness that energy by exploring how it’s ‘beneficial for me.’ For some, it’s more than physical exercise. Some people honestly come into it for more enlightenment.”

She compares the 200-level course to undergraduate study, in which students learn where their interests, talents and gifts are. During the 500-level course (“grad school”), they specialize in yoga therapeutics, aerobic practice, children, nursing homes, or one of the many other avenues and venues for teaching yoga.

Reversing roles

Carden said her philosophy of teaching is: “Every student is your teacher. It’s most important, as a teacher, to have your own practice and teach your own, authentic style.”

Attributes she feels are important for teachers include compassion and selflessness.

“It’s not about you as the teacher,” she explained. “It’s about your students. Teachers need to disappear, to let students come through, and to learn boundaries … it’s important to teach and adjust (students’ postures) without pushing. It’s about meeting them where they are now. Some don’t want a lot — no touch or correction — but (they) like the energy of the room. You need to be able to intuit.”

Carden, who is teacher certified at the 500 Level and has taught yoga since 1973, described her eclectic teaching style as safe, non-dogmatic, precise and spiritual.

“Every time I (teach), I feel like it’s the best class, that I’m more adept and more experienced, that I’ve mastered something new,” she said.

Her website (www.unionyoga.com) states that each of her teachers has contributed to her evolving understanding of the tradition and power of yoga to heal, restore and maintain life’s vitality, and to bring peace and joy to daily life. Her greatest influences have been B.K.S. Iyengar, Roger Eischens and Rama Berch. She also credits Joel Kramer, Judith Lasater, Jean Couch, Beryl Bender Berch, Sara Powers, Leslie Kaminoff, Paul Grilley and Georg Feuerstein with guiding her way.

In addition to public and private classes, Carden offers corporate seminars, retreats, yoga vacations, yoga therapy and speaking engagements. She designed and illustrated “Ageless Exercise” by Joan Laird (Angelwood Press, 1994) and was a contributing author to “Yoga in America,” published by Deborah Bernstein and Bob Weisenberg (Lulu Press, 2009). She has produced two instructional yoga tapes and an award-winning yoga program for public television. She authored and illustrated the UNION/YOGA Teacher Training manuals.

How to enroll

Union/Yoga’s 200-Level Teacher Training will be hosted by The Homestead’s New Leaf Fitness Center located in the resort’s village. Class begins Jan. 31 and concludes on Feb. 28. Another 200 Level class is planned for April 25-May 22. Included in the cost of tuition are a number of lodging and dining options to address the needs of area visitors and local residents. To register, or for more information, call Union Yoga at (231) 256-2100 or visit www.unionyoga.com.

The popular “Talk About Art” series featuring local artists returns for the winter and spring of 2010. The first talk will take place at 7:30 p.m. on Thursday, Jan. 21 at the Glen Arbor Art Association. Sculptor Bill Allen will discuss his work and background as an artist. Please read this feature about Allen’s transformative art in our online archives: www.glenarborsun.com/transformative-portal-the-paintings-of-william-allen/

Bill Allen will give a brief discussion and PowerPoint presentation about the evolution of his art from the welded steel animal sculptures to current abstract mixed media constructions, and he will describe his unusual path to becoming an artist. He will also bring examples of recent work, which will be in a collaborative exhibition with poet, Fleda Brown, opening in April 2010 at the Dennos Museum in Traverse City.

The Glen Arbor Art Association offers “Talk About Art” to give the community an opportunity to meet some of our many accomplished local artists and gain an appreciation and understanding of art and how it is created. The talks are free and open to the public. Others in the series will include: Lynn Perkins, Illustration (Feb. 4), Dewey Blocksma, Sculpture (Feb. 18), Sada Omoto, Regionalism Revisited (March 18), Pam Yee Gianola, Altered Books (April 29), and Edie Joppich, Color (May 6).

The Glen Arbor Art Association is located across the street from Cherry Republic and behind Lake Street Studios in Glen Arbor. For more information call (231) 334-6112 or e-mail info@glenarborart.org.

Micro-distiller Rifino Valentine is going against the grain with his one-batch-at-a-time Valentine Vodka, which he launched in 2009. Searching for a high quality alternative to mass-produced spirits, he envisioned the ideal formula that would let him use local, sustainable resources, control the entire distilling process, and provide discerning drinkers with an artisan-made alternative to so-so products made by “faceless corporations.”

“In college, I used to brew my own beer. I ended up working on Wall Street for 13 years. One day, I had one of those moments: I could apply the same handcrafted techniques to spirits. Maybe it was the Manhattan influence,” Rifino laughs. “I wanted to make the best damn martini ever.”

With this spirited enterprise during challenging economic times, the entrepreneur carries on his Leelanau family’s tradition of can-do resourcefulness. His dad Nello grew up in Chicago, while his mom, Margaret Patchin, originally hailed from Detroit’s northern suburb of Berkley. The two met at Western Michigan University, and ended up living in Alameda, Calif. on a houseboat with their first son, Nello, Jr. It was the turbulent 1960s, with a lot of people questioning the status quo and their place within that structure.

“My dad had a suit and an office job,” he laughs. “Then they came here, bought a farm [near Cedar], had goats, chickens, everything.” In 1970, Rifino was born there, with his dad, demonstrating more of the family self-sufficiency, acting as midwife to deliver his son.

Rifino recalls, “My brother and me, we started working on the farm about the time we were born! The animals we thought of as kind of pets, but then they’d be killed, butchered.”

He explains, “When they bought that farm, it had been grazed extensively; the soil was really depleted. He was trying to reforest, stop erosion. When the trees started getting bigger, he realized the possibilities.” Thus, the Valentine Tree Farm was born. “My brother and I planted a lot of the big trees you can still see growing there. I think my dad still plants trees all over the county, all over northern Michigan, in fact.” It was all part of the back-to-the-land movement of the early 1970s, not unlike today’s sustainable, locovore initiatives by a growing number of disaffected global villagers.

The Glen Lake High School graduate went on to earn an economics degree at Cornell University, then worked as an independent trader in New York City for over a decade. Several years ago, he moved to Detroit to pursue his vision of creating a handcrafted, limited-edition vodka, drawing on the Motor City’s rich history as a “Mecca” of Prohibition-era liquor making, and the good times of the Roaring Twenties.

“The Walmartization of everything, the liquor industry is no different,” Rifino asserts. “In the federal regulations for vodka, after you’re done with the distilling, you’re allowed to add sugar and glycerol to make it go smoother down your throat. Most use continuous distillation, with ethanol spit out the other end. The process is just computer-controlled; when you cut the ‘heart’ away from the process, you end up with harsher, more astringent vodka.”

When he set out to create his own single-batch, handcrafted spirits, Rifino looked to the experts. He took a distilling class at Cornell, his alma mater, where he met Kris Berglund, a chemical engineer and forestry professor from Michigan State University (MSU). “Kris is considered the father of distilling in Michigan,” Rifino says. “He’s been integral in this, he really took me under his wing.”

“We’re one of the first few distilleries in the world to use a multigrain recipe,” he continues. Corn, red Michigan wheat, and two-row malted barley, supplied by Michigan farmers, provide the drink’s crisp flavor, with “different tasting notes and attributes. That’s part of the artisanal process.”

Each batch of vodka is triple-distilled, which means that the middle, or the “heart” of the mash’s run, is smelled and tasted by the master distiller, to determine “where to cut the ‘heads’ and ‘tails,’” or the undesirable compounds that are present at the beginning and end of each run. Valentine’s result is a smooth, clean, all-natural spirit, literally (and figuratively) from the heart of the distillation process. ”It’s not the cheapest way to make vodka, but it’s the way it’s meant to be made.”

“From grain to your glass, we’re a 100 percent Michigan product. As a whole, we need to start making things here again. It’s great to get people in Michigan to make Michigan-made spirits. If one in 10 people bought [the product], $100 million stays here, rather than ships out.”

But he acknowledges, “There’s only so many people that will buy something just because it’s made here — it has to be better. That’s the overall philosophy.” Currently, Valentine Vodka manufactures its product at a plant near East Lansing, leased from MSU, while working to bring the business to Detroit by the end of the summer. “We want to show people that Detroit is not just the butt of everyone’s jokes, but a viable place,” in which to do business.

“I’ve always appreciated and leaned toward the handmade,” Rifino reflects. So when it came time to launch a unique Valentine’s Day promotional package that could riff off his surname, yet tweak the traditional lovers’ gift, he instantly thought of Grocer’s Daughter Chocolate, based in Empire.

“I didn’t pick Grocer’s Daughter because it was local; we really looked for the best chocolate out there, and Mimi’s [Wheeler] is just phenomenal. We think our vodka is the best, and we wanted the best to go with it. We selected a beautiful heart-shaped chocolate with a raspberry-caramel filling,” which was created especially to complement Valentine Vodka. The presentation is exquisite as well, with the sweet ensconced in Grocer’s Daughter’s handmade case, beribboned atop each 750ml bottle.

The vodka-chocolate duet is now available at many local liquor retailers, both locally (Cedar City Market, Leland Mercantile, Bayside Market in Traverse City, and Barrels and Barrels in Suttons Bay, to name a few listed at www.valentinevodka.com), and throughout the state. Valentine Vodka is available by the glassful at many local eateries as well, including Art’s Tavern, Blu, LaBecasse, Martha’s Leelanau Table, and more.

In addition to running his business full time, Rifino is negotiating for a suitable manufacturing property in the metropolitan Detroit area, planning an interstate expansion of Valentine Vodka through a “strong distributor who will represent us well,” and dreaming up a flavored vodka that will capture the delicious essence of Michigan’s bountiful agriculture.

From his hippie-era youth in Leelanau, he has come, if not full circle, than in an upward spiral along the same arc of self-reliance within community. He has taken Valentine family traditions to a more refined level, perhaps, than landscape trees and farm animals, but carries along the same principles of hard work, hands-on craftsmanship, and sense of place, qualities so sorely needed in Leelanau, Michigan, and the rest of the country.

(In the interest of full disclosure, Grocer’s Daughter Chocolate is owned by the mother of the Glen Arbor Sun founder and editor, Jacob Wheeler.)

Love is in the air as you celebrate an early Valentine’s Day at the “Taste the Passion” weekend, Feb. 5-7. This special weekend highlights wine, chocolate and art — all precursors to true love! The combination of winter’s beauty in Leelanau County with the special pleasures of life always makes for a wonderful and romantic time.

Join us at Mountain Flowers Lodge at The Homestead resort, just north of Glen Arbor, on Feb. 5 from 6-8 p.m. for a Friday night benefit mixer to kick off the Taste the Passion weekend. The Homestead’s Chef John Piombo will pair his fabulous tapas with local wines and “Art from Michigan’s Wine Coast” presented by the Glen Arbor Art Association.

An entrance fee of $20 per person includes tickets for two glasses of wine and food from multiple food stations. Additional wine tickets are available for purchase ($4/ticket or 3 tickets for $10). Part of the proceeds from admissions and sales of artwork will benefit the Art Association’s class scholarships and after-school art program. Each year many children benefit from the generous scholarship program and art classes.

The festivities continue on Saturday as participants head to their first winery stop to collect a souvenir glass. Special pours and tasty chocolate treats will be offered at wineries between 11 a.m. and 5 p.m. on Saturday, and noon and 5 p.m. on Sunday. However, because one cannot survive on chocolate alone (tempting as it may sound), savory dishes will be served at a number of tasting rooms.

To add to the weekend’s festivities, several local wineries will be holding special events exclusively for “Taste the Passion” ticket holders to celebrate the beauty and fun to be had in this winter wonderland. They are guaranteed to provide countless photo opportunities, so be sure to bring your camera.

Tickets for “Taste the Passion” may be purchased online at www.lpwines.com. As with all Leelanau Peninsula Vintners Association (LPVR) events, attendance is limited in order to give participants an opportunity to become better acquainted with our wine and wineries.

In addition to regular ticket sales, participating lodging partners will be offering a limited number of special accommodation packages that will include tickets to the trail event. Visit www.lpwines.com for further details.

For a list of LPVR wineries, check out www.lpwines.com. From there, you can access days and hours of operation and winery-specific news and events for each of the 17 member wineries. The site also includes news and information about touring Leelanau County and the Traverse City area to enhance your overall experience.

LPVA was formed to help spread the word about all the wonderful things the Peninsula has to offer including a growing number of award-winning wineries, excellent restaurants and a rich agricultural history. Today, it is the largest and strongest of the four organized wine trails in Michigan, which promote the state’s nearly $800 million grape/wine industry.